Are you a rinse and stacker… or a lacker?
Imagine, if you like, your Christmas Lunch.
Or, more precisely, the second act. After the turkey and ham have been devoured, after the pav and puddinghave been sucked down, and all the crackers and paper hats pulled off, it is time to relax and enjoy family and friends. Enjoy the afternoon with your family and friends.
For some of your number, this is not the time to relax, but rather to prepare.
As if on a secret signal, some people silently move from the dining table to the kitchen at certain times. They will begin cleaning the kitchen with just their hands and some tea towels. This quiet transition is made more notable by the fact that it is always the same group of people who wash and wipe. Every. Single. Year.
The ones with the gravy-spattered pants and dishpan hands. The forgotten heroes of Christmas. They are the quiet achievers. True believers in a properly stacked dishwasher. They’ve been gutted.
Why do the same people have to wash up Christmas dishes every year? Are they people-pleasers or are they just a little naive? They say, “Oh, I don’t mind,” sweetly, through gritted-teeth, as they unconsciously tie a tea towel in a way that looks like a noose.
Are they trying to avoid hearing Great Aunt Judy describe her hip replacement in detail? (Not a chance. (She’ll still come by with a sherry in hand to entertain them as they are elbow-deep in the roasting pan.
Is it because they know that if nobody did it, no one else will? Most of the time, we think it’s the second option. Everyone else, it’s time for you to step up your game. It’s time to get educated.
We don’t expect you to all rush into the kitchen like a horde of mad dishmop-wielding bedlamites as soon as the fork is laid down. There are too many cooks. If you are the cook who has been working in the kitchen for the morning, then you will be automatically excused. There are many ways to share the burden or lighten it. Here are some suggestions to help you move in a more supportive direction.
Do not be a douche.
Don’t leave the leftover goo on your plate to congeal and attract flies after you finish your meal. Scrape the gamy bits in the garbage, and then pile your plate next to the sink. You could even wash it before.
Get to know the local dog
You don’t mean that you haven’t done it yet? You cold-hearted brute. You’re probably not doing the dishes. My friend, the dog is in possession of the key. It’s not to eternal life, or even something so mundane. They can certainly clear a dish like no one’s business. If you had known this you could have avoided all the tedious scraping and rinsing that was suggested in suggestion number 1.
Empty bins
The repeated scraping and consumption of bottles, including those that are not dog-friendly, quickly fills household bins. Then, clean up your kitchen, recycle the recycling container and take that load to the large bins. This activity is perfect for when the conversation at the table turns to politics, religion or the latest episode of The Crown.
Get the kids to pitch in
It will work well, especially if you gave them Taylor Swift tickets this year. Whoever gives can also take away.
Play a game
You can play dice, spin the bottle or pin Uncle Don’s tail. Use your game to divide chores into smaller tasks. Whoever loses each turn gets to do one cleaning task. If they refuse to do so, they will lose their Taylor Swift tickets. (See kids? (See kids?
Step in quietly
You can do the same thing as our heroes and not expect any thanks. Pass them a glass and say “Thanks” when you see a pause in the action, such as when they are secretly wiping a tear away with their rubber gloved hand. Why don’t you let me take over for a little while? Sit down and get to work. A word of caution: don’t stay at the sink for too long or you will be in trouble! You will soon be a full-fledged team member. Once that happens, Christmas Day will never be the way you remember it. Ho ho ho.
